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Why do men ghost?

Updated: Feb 24

For the first time in history since world war II the USA population is at a negative growth rate.

Why do men ghost?

Here is my take on this. Why do men ghost women when things start to get, as they perceive, too serious?

They are being led by their primal brain or their little head as some would say. First I want to say this is totally normal, nothing wrong with them at all. We would not be here as a species if the drive to have sex wasn't very strong in men. What is more important to be aware of is when you ghost, why are you making the decision to suddenly stop communicating.

Let's talk about the primal brain and how it will make sure you survive the next five minutes, every day. Your primal brain will keep you safe based on the memory of your past experiences. That is the database it has stored. It will make decisions based on how you survived the last time, and repeat. Now the brain also loves pleasure and winning. And having sex is pleasurable, right?

So when a guy sees a pretty girl on a dating site and his brain says “wow, pretty. I would like to breed with her” and so he swipes right. It’s fun to fantasize for a bit about what that might look (feel) like. Fun stuff, right?

But then things get a little serious and the thoughts come in about what a real committed relationship would look like. Panic...wife, kids, house, mortgage, bills. These can be good things to some people but bad things to most. Let me explain why. If your experience with family or marriage is good, well you might stay in a committed relationship for a longer period of time to see how it goes. If your only experience is terrible, then the minute you feel like the conversation with this sexy lady may go further to a commitment and possible future bride...your brian will instantly take you back through every horrible memory you watched as a child or saw happen to a friend and even personally experienced. These memories will stop you in your tracks if you have not experienced a good relationship as an adult for your brain to draw as a contrast for good or bad.

If the only memories your brain has to draw on are negative, you will pull the ripcord (ghost) because you don’t know how to say “my parents had a terrible marriage and I’m afraid I will too”. You may not even know you're thinking that but If you don’t have a positive experience to draw on then you need to at least be aware of why you are making the decision you are making and what are they based on?


Ask yourself,

Why am I on dating sites?

Why do I ghost after swiping?

Why do I swipe in the first place?

What am I really looking/hoping for on this dating site?

What am I afraid of?



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